Private Conversation
by Luckie D
Summary: Olivia tells Maria something that had almost happened to her. Based off an episode in the 9th season. There are spoilers. Only one chapter. Please R and R.


**9/9/08-I just had to do this. Olivia almost went through what my character had to deal with. There are spoilers in here from one of the episodes from season 9. Just beware of what's to come. Maria and Ace are my own creation. Everything else, Mr. Dick Wolf gets the fun.**

Private Conversation

"Maria, can I speak to you in private?" Olivia's voice sounded very drawn over the phone, causing Maria to hold to phone closer to her ear. She couldn't understand think of what would cause her to sound like that. Like she had given up.

"Sure thing. Where do you want to meet?" Her eyes moved over her apartment before resting on John, who was watching her over his book. She watched as he shifted his legs on the couch so he could watch her better.

"Can we meet outside your building in five minutes?"

"That'll be fine. See you in a little bit."

"And Maria, don't tell John anything of what I say. He doesn't need to know." _Why does she sound so lost?_ Maria thought as she hung up the phone and draped a chain collar around Ace's neck before snapping on a red nylon leash.

"Where are you going so late?" John closed his book as he watched her shrug a coat on. "You know I don't like it when you go out late." He looked up at her as she stood over him, knowing how he wanted her to be protected.

"That was Olivia. She just wants to have a lady talk. Would you like it if I took my gun with me?" Seeing him give a firm nod at her, she reached into a draw and pulled a gun and hip holster out. Looping in onto her belt, she tucked the weapon in and took a hold of the leash."Happy."

"I feel better now. Got your badge with you just in case?"

"Yes, _dear._" Maria grumbled as she kissed the top of his head, grabbed a few bags and headed out.

As she opened the main door and entered the night chill, she looked around before noticing Olivia Benson leaning against the lightpost. "Hey, why do you have your weapon with you?"

"_He _wouldn't let me leave without it. He hates it when I go out very late at night, even if someone is with me." The two woman started heading down the sidewalk, side by side with Ace keeping up with their pace.

"He always like that with you?" Olivia looked over at the older woman, who was wrapping a scarf around her neck to keep it warm.

"On occasion. He's just trying to protect me when he can. Now, what's the matter? Why do you want to talk to me in private?"

Olivia bit her bottom lip, as if debating to ask her. Would Maria understand what she was going to say? That it was not her fault about everything that almost happened? "How...how did you feel after you were raped?"

"Liv, what are you talking about? What happened at that prison?" Maria's protective side was coming through and she stopped in her tracks, holding onto Olivia's upper arm. "What happened?"

"Just tell me. Please." She looked her straight into the face, her eyes filled with anxiety. "I need to know. I..." She bowed her head and placed a hand over her eyes, as if trying to decide whether to say it or not.

Maria sucked what air she could and released her arm from her grasp. "Let's keep walking and I'll tell you." They both started walking again as Maria worked to sort out her thoughts before speaking. "It was...beyond painful. Terrorfying really. I felt like I couldn't protect myself. I fought, but it wasn't enough to stop it from happening. I cried. I tried to scream." She stopped and took a deep breath before continuing. "I really did wish that Kevin had killed me. That was all that I could think about while he was doing what he was doing. I still have nightmares to this day. It still hurts. Now, answer my question. What happened at the prison?"

Olivia closed her eyes and slowly opened them, as if trying to get the courage to speak about it. She knew that Maria would not toss her to the wind. They were friends. "That night...I was led to the basement area by the CO. He tried to rape me that night."

"Jesus, Olivia!" Maria couldn't believe what she just heard. Rattling through her thoughts, she brought up one question that popped into her mind. "Who stopped it from happening?"

"Fin. He knows. It just feels like I'm going through a daze. I just get this weird feeling when a man asks me out on a date. I mean, what should I say? I just feel so gross when the thought comes to me that I may never sleep with another man."

The two continued walking in silence. The only sounds that could be heard was the occasional car that went by and Ace panting as they continued to walk on. Maria slowly broke the silence when she thought of what to say. "It always starts out like that. I was in such a daze that I couldn't think right, focus on what was in front of my or the fact when one of the doctors or nurses would touch me. After I got out of the hospital, I would only allow one person to come near me. John has helped me through it. He has helped me recover. Sometimes, we just spend nights holding eachother as it seems fit for us. And, yes, I am sleeping with him again. Took a lot of work to get there, but he makes me feel comfortable."

"and he loves you?"

"With all his heart. Have you talked to Huang?"

Olivia shook her head as they stopped in front of Maria's apartment building. No, but I'll talk to someone else. Only Fin, Elliot, Warner and Cragon know. I just don't want anyone else to know unless I say it to them."

"I won't tell John. I just told him that we were having lady talk. That's it." She tossed a few items of garbage into the nearby trash dumpster.

"You said you still have nightmares?"

"Yeah, all painful. Terrifying ones. I wake up crying and I can't stop. The only way that it does stop is if John's there. He's my safety raft. But, I'm not the only one with them. He has them too. It scares him too much. Just take your time with this subject. Don't rush anything. I hope that you're going to be seeing someone. I still see Huang."

Nodding, Olivia lowered her head as she wiped the tears from her eyes before looking up and smiling at Maria. "Thanks for letting us talk. I didn't know who else to talk to. You're the only one that I know that has been through it. If I need to speak to you again, cn I call you?"

Pulling a key from her pocket and inserting it into the front door, Maria nodded in her direction. "Sure. Call my cell. It's easier and you'll get a hold of me better then calling my apartment phone."

Agreeing with what she had said, Olivia took a taxi home and Maria took the steps to her apartment, knowing that John was either still awake or passed out on the couch. Entering quietly, she noticed that he was indeed passed out on the couch. He was half laying down on the cushions, a couch pillow under is head and his left leg drapped over his right.

Bending over him, she combed her fingers through his short hair and coaxed him awake. "Where you go?" He mumbled as he sat up and stretched before standing up.

"Just a walk around the block, several times. Comeon, let's get to bed before Ace takes over. He's bound to take over the bed if we don't get to it first.

Getting comfortable under the warm covers, Maria snuggled close to John and pressed her lips to his as he held her closer. As if she was trying to forget all that was brought back up about what had happened, she didn't release him until she needed air.

Hiding her face in the crook of his neck, she took a few deep breaths before drifting off. "I love you, John."

"I know. 'Night, sweetie."

**9/9/08-Thought for sure that I would have not been able to get this done before heading out the door again. Off to the college again! More testing. Reviews are welcome. I don't bite. **


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